Lauren is finally back home where she belongs. I picked up her cremated remains yesterday. She is now next to her baby sister Brooke. The next step is to find an appropriate urn. I have been searching the web every night for over a week, but I can't find anything that she'd like. Most of the urns I've seen look too much like urns. We want something pink with princesses or fairies on it. Something girlish. It may seem silly, but we just want to find something fitting for her that she'd like.

How are we holding up?...., still not good. We're still a mess. I've woken up in the middle of the night a few times to Hilary crying in bed. Marissa doesn't want to go to school. She is very clingy and is reluctant to leave Hilary's or my side. Obviously, she is worried that me or Hilary will go to heaven, leaving her and never come back. I have been having these hiccup-type sobs. They usually occur when I think about taking a trip somewhere and then I start thinking about how Lauren would have loved to have gone there. Then I imagine her laughing and running around , then I feel the beginning of tears forming. I then take control of all my feelings and push them down, repressing them deep down inside me where they belong. At which point, a hiccup-sob pops out. I must be close to capacity. Maybe some counseling wouldn't be a bad idea. Finlay, on the other hand just coos and gurgles, laughs and smiles all the time. At least one of us is happy.

Ideas:
We have been toying with the idea of having an annual tea party/golf tourney fundraiser in honor of Lauren, as a way to raise money for cancer research, specifically brain tumor research. Neither one of us has ever organized anything like that in our lives, so we'll see.