Hilary, took Lauren up to CHLA yesterday for her bi-weekly chemo. Just to make things interesting they brought Finlay since Lauren likes to show her off. It's hard to say "no" to such a simple request that would make Lauren happy when she has to endure so much. But boy, that was a mistake. Hilary has decided she isn't going to do that again. It's just too hard for her to tend to both Lauren and Finlay by herself, especially when Lauren gets sick, which thankfully she rarely does, except yesterday she did (she ended up being sick all night and not sleeping at all). Also Hil has to help Lauren whenever she goes to the bathroom (pushing the pole and helping her get on and off the toilet which is hard for her to do with a cast). And the restroom is down the hall from the beds. The day hospital is a long room with beds on both sides separated by curtains. So Hil can't leave Finlay unattended as she helps Lauren since it can be a 15-minute ordeal. Every time I talked to Hil on the phone yesterday, I could hear Finlay wailing away in the background.

When Lauren walked through the doorway into the house last night she looked beat. It was like a scene out of a movie of a prisoner returning to their cell in shock after being interrogated and tortured. Since it was so wet and cold outside, the first thing I gave her, other than a hug and kiss, was give her a bath. She just sat in her bath, not saying a word, staring straight ahead at the wall, with a tear rolling down her cheek. It's heartbreaking. It's during these times when I get the most depressed and sad, wondering why this had to happen to her, to us. What has she done to deserve this? She deserves to have a normal life and a normal childhood. This is about the time I then start imagining being on the first tee for this weekend's golf tourney. Slight dogleg right, with trees left and the driving range on the right. I imagine hitting a nice fade ending up in the middle of the fairway, a 100 yards out, but of course I tend to hit a HARD hook and will, in all likelihood, end up in the trees or the 2nd fairway, but since it's my imagination, I usually end up birdying the hole or knocking my approach shot in for an eagle. And that is how I am able to get by day after day.

Other stuff.

- Lauren's prednisone has been lowered to 4.5 mg a day. 2.5 gm in the morning and 2 mg at night.

- Lauren's next MRI is on Feb. 3rd.