We've been staying busy. Went camping at Doheny Beach the past two weekends. Camping, however, will always be bitter sweet since we pretty much got the camper specifically for Lauren. I'm not saying we're not going to use it, since we've been using it every chance we get, but it will always remind us that our family is not complete. This weekend was particularly hard since we had this camping trip planned since Dec. (you have to reserve this camp site 6 months in advance) when Lauren was doing well.

We went with Lauren's best friends (other than Madisen), Hannah and Hailey and her cousin Kiera. It was hard to watch the girls playing and not think Lauren should be running around and playing with them. Even though Marissa was playing with them, she had a sadness about her. Of course we also wondered if Lauren would have been able to play with them, or would she have just sat there and watched them.

Some people have been telling us that they have felt Lauren here and there, and gotten a sense of peace whether it's during a trip to Disneyland, or surfing in Columbia at sunset. Uncle Steve had a dream of Lauren coming to him and telling him she loves him and that she is taking care of Brooke and is okay. Am I jealous of these people? Yes. I try to imagine her up in heaven and being happy. Every morning that we've camped, I've gotten up at the crack of dawn to take my morning hike along the beach (I am in training to climb Mt. Whitney in Sept) or in the hills (depending on where we're camping). I admit I do this in hopes I too will feel Lauren's presence and maybe find some peace. How much more peaceful and beautiful can it get than a stroll down a deserted beach in the early morning with the only sounds you can hear are from the sea gulls and the waves crashing? Even still, things seem to be a little less pretty these days and I have never felt any sense of peace. Apparently I'm not ready to be at peace. Maybe I'll find it on the top of Mt. Whitney. Then again maybe I'll never find it. I just wish I knew for sure that Lauren, wherever she is, is okay.

Other stuff:

Auntie Say's neurosurgeon in SF is recommending radiation. That makes 2 out of 3 doctors recommending radiation, with Dr. Finlay the only one, who continues to recommend only chemo.